Rumblings and ramblings....

The weather is starting to turn. Nature is going back into her slumber for another few months. But its different now. There's a butterfly-in-stomach thing. Antecipation. The small furry borrower has borrowed into my heart. And it doesn't feel odd. It feels right. And good. Some people - bless them - don't get it, not really. Too confortable with sticking things in labeled drawers. Thank the Universe I've had Cai 'Shades of Grey' in my life for long enough to see beyond it. So yeah. All good!

Hear my growl, hear me sing in the Moon....

For the first time in my life i have a knickname, a pet name, if you will. I am now known as Freki, one of Odin's (the Allfather) wolves. They accompanied their master everywhere, in both hunts and war. I love it. And love the namer, too.

I flippin'-diddly-uh-da did it!

I did it. The three peaks. It took us 27 hours, but we did it. I walked,

limped or hopped up and down the three highest peaks un the UK. I did it. I can bloody do anything. See if I won't. I'm a leaf in the wind, watch how I soar.... (PS - This is a Delek at the top of Snowdon)

Through the blast furnace.

So I went home for the summer. It was so damn hot it was untrue. Seriously seriously hot. And moist. Trully, horrible. C will never let it drop, 'har har, you thought it was hot, har har'. Anyhoot, it was still great. Seeing my grandfolks, or rather, saying goodbye. That was good. Meeting up with friends, family. Having quiet walks around Edward VII park, just chilling, effortlessly. So yeah, all good. Cleared cobwebs, really. Now bak to old Blighty. Getting some driving lessons, and a car! (If all goes well!) Golden Hanshake finnaly kicked in, Gates of Hades, I hate taxes.... But its a gift, so am not saying no! And yeah. If you're wondering, I am still smiling.

Decisions, decisions....

We make decisions every moment of our lives. Maybe they split our Universe into the miriad alternate realities of the Multiverse. I don't know. What I do know is that in the here and now, I made a conscient decision to not be unhappy any more. It's going well, and I hope it continues. So things are not always perfect. You take it in, process it, adapt, evolve. I'm smiling at the moment. May long it continue.

Grandparents.

Up until the ripe old age of 18, I was privelleged enough to retain all 4 grandparents. Then grandad Fernando passed into the Other Side, finally succumbing to a life of chain-smoking. He was a big figure, larger than life, a wireless telegraph operator at Lisbon Airport. A humourless dictator at home, but a mellow bunny to his grandchildren. As a young man, he learned english by hearing the BBC World Service, and to the day he died, anthough he had a fairly limited vocab, he sounded so posh it was untrue. Then, just a few months ago was grandad Julio 's turn. He was a simple man, a bright mind in a humble and poor shell. In another life he would have been an engineer or doctor or anything, but the son of a cobbler in the 1920's had no such possibilities. He became an office worker, his mind a giant addition machine. He was a loving, rude man, partially deaf, hence his constant LOUD VOICE. He taught me to think before I act, to look beyond the obvious into the detail, and to ask 'Why?'. Ultimatly, I believe, he turned me into a scientist. 5 days ago was the turn of nan Cristina. A simple soul, that never had many ambitions in life. A homemaker her whole life, she never craved more than to have a happy family, and she did, raising 3 children and helping to raise 3 grandchildren. Yesterday, I lost the last one, nan Maria. She'd been ill, so it was expected. She worked for a pharmaceutical company, made pastries to sell in restaurants, and was, I believe with all my heart, happy, if scared all the time, of pretty much anything, I will miss them all, and treasure their presence in my life for all time. Godspeed, my lovelies. We shall meet again Beyond the Veil.

Enough.

I kinda have had enough. In general. I say this with a smile on my lips, its not a depressing statement in any shape or form. Its just that a lot of feelings bubbled up recently, and I had to deal with them, and a number of conclusions were.... Well, concluded. I'm tired to be a nice guy, I'm tired of being played with, I'm tired of feeling lonely, I'm tired of.... Well, being tired, really. Changes on the horizon. Some bigger, some smaller. You know, its Darwin's adapt or die scenario. Not as literal in my case, but still relevant. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted, and I feel ready for a breath of fresh air. Life is change, tghe Universe depends on it. My turn, then!